- This article was originally featured in the spring 2014 International Bullying Prevention Association Newsletter.

1. Recognize the limits of the school assembly approach in changing behavior. It may be beneficial to utilize assemblies to generate awareness and build enthusiasm for preventing bullying, however ongoing prevention efforts are necessary to bring about changes in behavior and school climate. Have a plan for follow up activities in place prior to providing an assembly activity. (See Misdirections in Bullying Prevention and Intervention at www.stopbullying.gov to learn more about using resources wisely.)
2. Preview performances and scripts to ensure that the messages are based on sound theoretical knowledge, research, and best practices in bullying prevention. Avoid performances that promote stereotypes regarding the type of youth who are bullied or engage in bullying. Also avoid messaging that implies that youth who bully always have low self-esteem, are big and tough, or that “standing up to a bully” is always the best solution. See research by Phillip Rodkin on the socially connected bully (Rodkin, 2012) to understand more about the socially connected versus the socially marginalized bully. See also information from the Youth Voice Project (Davis & Nixon, 2013) to learn more about which strategies are most helpful for youth who are targeted by bullying.
3. Put the focus on the positive behavior that we want students to demonstrate. Performances that focus on positive ally actions are more effective than scare tactics or numerous examples and inflated statistics regarding bullying. Social norming theory (Berkowitz, 2004) posits that behavior is influenced by inaccurate perceptions regarding how other members of the peer group think and act. Individuals tend to overestimate the number of their peers involved in negative behaviors. Correcting such misperceptions can lead to positive behavior change. Thus youth are more likely to engage in pro-social behavior when they understand that the majority of their peers share their desire to or are engaging in positive behavior. Use local survey data and youth leaders to help spread the message that most youth are engaging in pro-social behavior or have pro-social beliefs. When possible allow students to create the assembly, share local statistics, and have ownership of the messages and actions requested of their peers.
4. Be very cautious with messaging around bullying and suicide. Messages that imply simplistic causal relationships between bullying and suicide are misleading and potentially harmful to prevention efforts. The following was noted in the Journal of Adolescent Health’s Special Supplement on the Relationship between Youth Involvement in Bullying and Suicide: “A critical difference distinguishes an association between bullying and suicide from a causal relationship, with significant implications for prevention. Conveying that bullying alone causes suicide at best minimizes, and at worst ignores, the other factors that may contribute to death by suicide” (Hertz, Donato, & Wright, 2013 p.S-2.)
5. Be aware that student audiences may include “suicide-receptive” youth. Assemblies that focus on explicit details, methods and dramatizations of suicide rather than the importance of reaching out for help should be avoided. (NIHM, Recommendations for Reporting on Suicide)

Berkowitz, A. (2004). The Social Norms Approach: Theory, Research, and Annotated Bibliography. Retrieved from http://www.alanberkowitz.com/articles/social_norms.pdf

Davis, S., & Nixon, C. (2013). The Youth Voice Project: Student Insights Into Bullying and Peer Mistreatment. Research Press.

Hertz, M., Donato, I., & Wright, J. (2013). Bullying and Suicide: A Public Health Approach. Journal of Adolescent Health Supplement, 53(1), S1-S3. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1054139X1300270X

NIMH • Recommendations for Reporting on Suicide. (n.d.). Retrieved January 7, 2013, from http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention/recommendations-for-reporting-on-suicide.shtml

Misdirections in Bullying Prevention. (n.d.). Retrieved January 6, 2013, from http://www.stopbullying.gov/prevention/at-school/educate/misdirections-in-prevention.pdf
Rodkin, P. (2012). Bullying and Children’s Relationships. Education Matters, 8(2).

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The International Bullying Prevention Association recently celebrated the 10th anniversary of its organization with its annual conference in Nashville, TN, November 10–12, 2013.

As an attendee for the past 10 years and a board member for the past four years, I am excited to see the growth of the organization and the evolution of the bullying prevention field. There is a growing recognition that we need to move beyond labels and use comprehensive school-wide approaches that build connectedness in our schools and communities.

In fact, many of the speakers, including Ernie Mendez, Emily Bazelon, and Stan Davis, highlighted the idea that we need to move from thinking of youth involved in bullying in black and white terms, such as bullies and victims (or bad versus good). Adults need to keep this in mind as we develop our approaches, recognizing that the aggressor one day may be the target on another occasion, and the single best predictor of youth engaging in pro-social behavior is how connected they feel to the adults in their life, as well as to their school and communities. In short – are we making sure that we have ways to ensure that all kids feel connected to at least one adult in the school?

We also need to take time to develop the capacity of our youth to deal with the very real challenges of navigating the social world. Life is hard. All of us will be challenged at multiple times in our lives. So increasing our capacity to deal with the challenges — developing resiliency — is another emerging area that is gaining traction in the bullying prevention field. Including social-emotional learning (SEL) in our schools is key, a fact highlighted by Marc Brackett of the Ruler Approach, a model that facilitates the development of emotional intelligence among youth.

Finally – we need to be reaching out more to parents to help them understand their role in building resiliency among our kids. The current media attention to bullying, cyberbullying and suicide has frightened many parents to the point that they panic when their children are targeted by mean, cruel, or bullying behavior. I heard an expert on trauma (Brad Reedy, Ph.D) speak recently, and he reminded me that the parents or other adults in a child’s life have a role to play in reducing the impact of trauma in kid’s lives.

We need to become a safe container for our children where we can acknowledge the uncomfortable feelings and difficult challenges they are facing. Our response must also convey that we can handle hearing this in a calm, non-reactive manner. Such a response will support them to work through the difficult emotions dealing with fear and a loss of control. While our messages need to convey that the child is not at fault for being targeted, if the adults in the child’s life panic or react with increasing anxiety or hyper vigilance, we can in fact worsen the impact of the event on the child. Some parents or guardians may need to seek professional guidance to deal with their own stress levels.

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Parenting in the Digital Age

by pagatston on May 28, 2013


Parenting has changed in the last ten years as kids increasingly live out their lives online.  Parenting in the digital age does require some new awareness, but it is not difficult to do.

Begin by modeling positive behavior:  Take breaks from technology, establish no cell phone or other device time, collect phones or use docking stations at night, and model civility both online and offline.

Talk to your kids about what sites are okay and what sites are off-limits:  Don’t just tell kids not to go to inappropriate websites, help them understand why these sites are against your personal values, morals, or ethics.

Talk to your kids in a developmentally appropriate manner about the “grooming” techniques that are used by online predators.  Kids should know that individuals might hide their true identity online.  They should avoid responding to individuals who request personal information or photos.   Teens should understand how nude photo sharing could lead to exploitation and extortion.

Discuss behaviors you want them to embrace and what behaviors you want them to avoid: Online learning, research, creating, communicating and sharing ideas and projects are positive behaviors.  Yet there are negative behaviors to avoid such as cyber bullying, inappropriate site, photo or video sharing, plagiarizing and cheating.   Remind your kids that anything shared digitally can potentially be public and permanent.

Educate yourself about appropriate ways to monitor your child’s digital world.   Use monitoring to encourage conversations and “course corrections” when necessary.  Be careful not to over-react, but use this information to ask questions and have teachable moments.

The following are tools and practices that can assist you:

  • Set up agreements on what sites and behaviors are okay, but let your children know you will be monitoring to make sure they follow your family guidelines.   Monitoring is especially appropriate with new users of social media.  But recognize that it is nearly impossible to monitor all of the devices and apps that children are using on a regular basis.
  • Keep in mind that communication is more useful than solutions based on technology.  As children demonstrate responsible use, parents should be monitoring less and less, particularly if a teen has demonstrated that he is making good choices. Parents can instead ask teens to show them around their favorite sites, ask for tips on how to use it, and discuss how they make decisions about privacy and sharing.  They can also ask them if they know how to report abuse or terms of use violations.
  • Encourage your kids to be upstanders rather than bystanders.  Kids rarely intervene when they witness bullying and cyberbullying, but when they do it is usually effective.  Discuss strategies that can help their peers and how demonstrating courage can help others. Highlight that private support and listening can be just as effective as intervening in the moment.

The following websites offer great tips for parents and teens:




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